all the proof I need...

I have a hidden talent that I don't often share with people. (I don't like to brag) But, it's pretty amazing.

If you were to blindfold me... and put me in a room with Brady and 20 other babies... and they all had poopy diapers...I could pick Brady out in less than 2 minutes flat.

Because his poop smells like buttered popcorn!

And if that's not proof that God exists, than I don't know what is.

Because only He would know that in the event that I were ever blinded and accidentally separated from my child....my first and natural instinct would be to go in search of a buttery, popped treat.

real names

Lately, Tate has been very interested in our "real names". This is the conversation that we have over and over again.

Mommy, what's your name? Whitney
What's daddy's name? Keith
Keith? Yes.
What's Tate's name? Tate
What's Brady's name? Brady
What's your name? Whitney
(laughing)
What's daddy's name? Keith
Keith?
and on and on it goes...

Poor guy is already so confused. Just wait until I have to explain to these two that their names are actually William and James!

panic-attack thursday

Who needs coffee? Simply follow these steps to ensure that you are fully alert and that your adrenaline is pumping on a Thursday morning:

1. Get your baby and toddler dressed and fed and head outside to load them into the car.
2. Open the driver's side door and put your purse in the seat. Close the door.
3. Open the back passenger door and get the baby and his car seat loaded. Close the door.
4. Open the front passenger door, reach across and put the keys in the ignition and turn on the car. Accidentally set off the panic alarm, but quickly shut it off. Hear a clicking noise. Ignore it. Shut the door.
5. Walk around to the other side of the car to get the toddler loaded into his seat. Realize the car is locked.
6. REALIZE THE CAR IS LOCKED!!!!!!! WITH THE BABY INSIDE!!!
7. Check each door to make sure.
8. REALIZE THE CAR IS DEFINITELY LOCKED!!!!!! WITH THE BABY INSIDE!!!
9. Check to make sure the air conditioning is running. It is.
10. Look for your phone so that you can figure out who to call.
11. Realize your phone is in your purse in the driver's seat!!
12. Go inside with the toddler to call your husband from the house phone.
13. Remember that it doesn't work because it is unplugged and uncharged.
14. Head back outside to check on the baby. He's fine.
15. Realize that none of the neighbors are home. Knock on the house next door just to make sure. No answer.
16. Pretend to be McGuyver and look for tools around the house to "jimmy" the lock.
17. Decide that you are NOT McGuyver and that you are going to do major damage to the car if you continue with this plan.
18. Go back inside with the toddler to look up a locksmith number online.
19. Find a nice landscaping man and borrow his cell phone. Call the locksmith.
20. Sit outside in the shade with the toddler while you wait on the locksmith.
21. Look through the car window frequently to check on the baby. He's peacefully napping.
22. Breathe a huge sigh of relief when the locksmith shows up 20 minutes later and unlocks the doors.
23. Pay $150.
24. Hug the baby.
25. Drop the boys off at school.
26. Come home and debate a glass of wine at 9:45am.
27. Take several tequila shots instead. (Just kidding)
28. Call BMW about getting a spare key made.
29. Realize much later that you could have just called 911 and that it would have been quicker and free.
30. Decide that $150 is a relatively small price to pay, and thank God (again) that everyone was ok.

deep thoughts

If I could be any animal, I'd probably be a unicorn.

It would be pretty awesome to be all glittery and elusive, and also get to have a deadly weapon on your forehead.

Because, as everyone knows, unicorns are just ninjas in horse's clothing.

perspective

when I'm tired...

when the house is a mess...

when I'm stressed out at work...

when I'm feeling fat...

when I can't be in 10 places at once...

when I haven't been to the grocery store and there's no food in the house...

when I have nothing to wear...

when I need a vacation...

I can look at this picture...

and smile.

And, suddenly, nothing else seems to matter.

the family bed

"Keep your words soft and sweet in case you have to eat them."

It's true. For those of you who have openly admitted that your child sleeps in your bed, I have scoffed. I have judged. I have peered down at my perfect and precious toddler while he slept soundly in his own bed from my very, very tall parenting pedestal and told myself that would never happen to me.

That is, until my perfect and precious toddler turned me into a liar. And a hypocrite.

Because, you see, the Golden household has been sharing a "family bed" now for weeks on end. Let me show you how it works.

This is our bed.





















This is our bed with it's usual occupants. Notice the human/cat surface area percentages.





















And this is what our bed now looks like. You may notice some variations in the surface area percentages.





















I'm sure this is just a temporary phase. I mean, I don't know any teenagers who still sleep in the same bed with their parents. (right?!?!?)

So, I guess in the meantime, I'll just be laying here...wide awake....eating my words...with a knee in my ribs and an elbow in my eye.

P.S. Dear Brady, don't get any ideas. Love, Mom

grape expectations

In 2006, Lindsey and I vacationed in France and went on an amazing adventure through Paris, Bordeaux and Nice. Naturally, we each brought back wine as a souvenir and I stored my 3 bottles away for a special occasion.

- I took a new job within the company in 2008. No wine.
- Keith and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary in 2008. No wine.
- Tate was born in 2009. No wine.
- Brady was born in 2011. No wine.

It recently occurred to me that if promotions, milestone anniversaries and the births of our children are not special enough occasions, than I clearly don't know what qualifies.

So, tonight, I pulled one of the bottles out of the cabinet and celebrated successfully getting both kids to bed on a random Tuesday evening.

And you know what? It was disgusting.

(I'm sure there's a moral here...what is it?)